Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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