Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
