the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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