have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
