You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
