Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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