I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
