i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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