Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
