Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize