I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
