I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
