sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
