i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There r osticjed everywhere
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
