ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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