You smell like a Billy Joel song
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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