yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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