I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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