he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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