Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
