I cut my penus on the lid.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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