my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I accidentally burped into my bong.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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