this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
