I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
