Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
