Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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