Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
