Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
