I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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