You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
