just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
