dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's rum buckets o'clock
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
