I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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