margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The ass gains better be worth it
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