last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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