I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
