Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
