The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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