I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
