youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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