HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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