Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
