I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hippo gnu deer
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
