We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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