tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
