Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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