I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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