sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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