Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
