my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
