i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize