did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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