I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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