I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
