my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
