I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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