I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
now i know why i became what i already was.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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