WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she told me i tasted like america
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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