a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
