I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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