Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
