Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
