its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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