i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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