I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
