This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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